Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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