He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
