why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
