She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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