We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
