mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
