I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
