My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
