he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
