Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
