i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
