Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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