so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
