she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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