Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
