next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
