the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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