Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
