is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
