My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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