He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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