his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
