I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Shame is for Republicans.
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