Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
