just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
