it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
