just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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