There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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