Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize