My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
