I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
