Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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