Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
