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I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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