that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Too much gin, very little bucket
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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