You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have feelings that need drinking.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
