you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
