Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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