all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
