I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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