I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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