I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
