I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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