Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
