Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well I just put wine in my tea
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
