WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
