Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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