I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
