apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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