Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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