you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
