It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Never joke about your clitoris.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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