Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
