Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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