David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
