You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
