so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
