Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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