The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
