Plan B is the new Plan A
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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