ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.