Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize