no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots