Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
