i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
