You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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