I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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