You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
