He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
